Let's just jump right INTO it, guys. So some of you may remember me from about 2 years ago when I was about as active as that weirdo Xproplayer, but then I left without even saying goodbye. The reasons for my disappearance are easy to hear but hard to say. I'll get the easy one out of the way first: My laptop is shit. It's old as hell and simply can't run GMod without intense lag. There, easy enough. The second reason, though... That's a little harder to come out with, especially to a community that I've known for years. Last October, my life spiraled out of control. I'm not entirely sure what caused it to happen, but it did. I was extremely lonely and hopeless. I felt like I had no purpose in life and that very few people would think twice about me if I stopped breathing. One day I hit my breaking point, and I tried to end my life. I know a lot of people joke about it on the forums and on the servers, but I shit you not. I told my girlfriend that I was going to end my life and I asked her if she had anything to say before I left this world. 15 minutes later, the cops showed up at my door and put me in handcuffs. I was hauled off to a mental hospital and kept there for a week. The experience was absolutely awful for the most part. I broke down, I degraded myself to no end and I even cut myself during my time there. A few months later I decided to enroll in an outpatient hospital program that would help me process my problems instead of marking them down on my arms. Ever since I left that program in late January of this year, I've improved tremendously. It's been 31 weeks since I've harmed myself and all thoughts of suicide have dialed down to 0. But I still have my struggles. Anxiety still attacks me every once in a while, and sometimes I feel like bashing my head through a wall. This past year has been the most difficult experience of my life by far, and I would not wish the pain I've suffered on my worst enemy. Now for a bit of good news. I am currently writing my own book about the experience I went through at the mental hospital. The book will be told as a narrative non-fiction, meaning it won't be a boring biography about depression and how to get out of it. Not sure when I'll be finished with it but I would be glad to share the file with anyone who's interested (depending on if you're a cool person or not idk). Well, that's where I've been and where I am now. It honestly shocks me that I've progressed so far to be able to share this with everyone in the community, but I don't think that my struggles should be locked up inside. Not really sure how to end this post so I guess it's just gonna end here.
You don't even remember me but we was cool. With the book your writing, I simply would like to understand of what happens to a person within the process they bring you through. If you don't mind, I would like to take a look at the file when you are ready to share it.
Glad to see that you’re doing better dude, I remember playing ttt with you a lot and we’ve talked on discord a few times over the past month or so lol. But I’m glad you shared this with us, because we all care about you and I’m sure you are loved by many people. You’ve been offline for so long I’ve missed playing with you, hopefully someday you will come back on the servers. If you need to talk to me about your anxiety I’m down to listening, sometimes I struggle with that too and I usually vent to my family and friends. I’m sure you’ll be alright in the end.
Ay bro I remember you from back then and we always had little rants on steam lol. I'm glad you got out of the situation you were in. Writing a book is really cool, best of luck on it
I went through the same thing you did, just without the gf included (cause im a bachelor amirite). I am happy you found a way to seem help and were able to use that help to the fullest extent. It saddens me but at the same time im proud of you man. This shits hard to deal with and not alot of people get out of it alive. Youre strong af dude. Stay strong and continue all your hard work.
