Every morning, Shiaists struggle to get out of bed at 5 AM, but they just do it. For Shia. After eating their Shia Oats™ cereal with 2% skim milk, they go to their front lawn - if a Shiaist does not have a designated front lawn, anywhere with dirt will do - and dig a 5x4 meter hole while chanting "I will just do it today, not tomorrow" Once completed with this task, which takes a normal Shiaist about 2 hours, they throw a purple onion into the hole and cover it up, only to dig it again tomorrow Every odd day of the week (Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Sunday), they watch a Transformers movie If it is an even day of the week, they sit in a corner and bang their head on a wall, listening to Shia's motivational words on repeat Once the movie ritual or traditional wall head bang has been completed, now is their chance to browse dank memes and post on forums They do this for an hour then take out their ceremonial clip-on ponytail and do their stretches for the next task Shiaists then run on all fours to the closest forest - for some, it is a long journey, but they continue to just do it Once a log cabin is reached, they lie in wait as a human walks out and stalks behind them. They then whisper "Shia sends his regards" before biting their neck. This is the only true way to get new followers into Shiaism. Although it is painful at first, Shiaists are actually revealing the truth, and allowing the new followers to not let their dreams be dreams. Back at their residence, Shiaists tuck themselves in bed after praying to the LaBeouf gods, watching the music video of Elastic Heart before they doze off to dream, repeating the same rituals the next day... Spoiler: Just do it Spoiler: Yesterday you said Spoiler: Tomorrow Spoiler: So just do it Spoiler: Don't Spoiler: Let Spoiler: Your Spoiler: Dreams Spoiler: Be Spoiler: Dreams Spoiler: So just Spoiler: Do Spoiler: It
