Rejected Opal-bot needs to be helpful

As you might all know, we have a discord bot, and she's called Opalbot. We all enjoy her roasting people who try to impress her. It's all in a good spirit.

But, she also is rude, and very unhelpful when she doesn't understand that we're trying to clear a legitimate doubt.
She's not an AI, so she can only understand what we're trying to convey by the keywords coded into her.

The problem arises when she responds to a user in need of help, as rude as she responds to someone, who says bad things about her. She's not actually a bad person. This is confirmed by the politeness that one gets treated with when they use commands like 'help; channel; coin; etc'

So, here's what I propose.

• Make her reply politely to even messages conveying bad meaning

(or)

• Set keywords and appropriate replies to her, which a user in confusion might use to ask another human user.

It is very, very clear, that Opal-bot can remember keywords and respond appropriately when keywords are assigned. Here are Opalbot's responses when I said the following to her.

Spoiler: Chat logs

//When I tell opalbot "bitch" //

@OpalBot bitch
OpalBotBOT - Today at 4:48 AM
@Xerp, oh, grow up, kid...
Xerp - Today at 4:48 AM
@OpalBot bitch
OpalBotBOT - Today at 4:48 AM
@Xerp, you better not...
Xerp - Today at 4:48 AM
@OpalBot bitch
OpalBotBOT - Today at 4:48 AM
@Xerp, wow, rude!
Xerp - Today at 4:48 AM
@OpalBot bitch
OpalBotBOT - Today at 4:48 AM
@Xerp, sticks and stones, asshole... :smirk:

//When I say Hey to opalbot //

Xerp - Today at 4:49 AM
@OpalBot hey
OpalBotBOT - Today at 4:49 AM
@Xerp, hey there! :grinning:
Xerp - Today at 4:49 AM
@OpalBot hey
@OpalBot hey
OpalBotBOT - Today at 4:49 AM
@Xerp, hai! :smile:
Xerp - Today at 4:49 AM
@OpalBot hey
OpalBotBOT - Today at 4:49 AM
@Xerp, hello!
Xerp - Today at 4:49 AM
@OpalBot hey
OpalBotBOT - Today at 4:49 AM
@Xerp, hmm?
Xerp - Today at 4:49 AM
@OpalBot hey
OpalBotBOT - Today at 4:49 AM
@Xerp, 'sup?
Xerp - Today at 4:49 AM
@OpalBot hey
OpalBotBOT - Today at 4:49 AM
@Xerp, hai! :smile:
Xerp - Today at 4:49 AM

//When I say opal to opalbot//

@OpalBot opal
OpalBotBOT - Today at 4:49 AM
@Xerp, Opal? ...no comment. For my own safety.
Xerp - Today at 4:49 AM
@OpalBot opal
OpalBotBOT - Today at 4:49 AM
@Xerp, Opal? I like Opalium. He made me into the masterpiece I am, after all!
Xerp - Today at 4:49 AM
@OpalBot opal
OpalBotBOT - Today at 4:49 AM
@Xerp, oh, uh. Yeah, I better not say anything about this. HE might be around...

//when i say rick to opalbot//

Xerp - Today at 4:49 AM
@OpalBot rick
OpalBotBOT - Today at 4:49 AM
@Xerp, Rick? Rick is the very definition of awesome. Yup.
Xerp - Today at 4:49 AM
@OpalBot rick
OpalBotBOT - Today at 4:49 AM
@Xerp, Rick is a one serious badass you don't want to get in trouble with.
Xerp - Today at 4:49 AM
@OpalBot rick
OpalBotBOT - Today at 4:49 AM
@Xerp, Rick? Rick is a blessing to our world. And beyond that. Like... universally.
Xerp - Today at 4:50 AM
@OpalBot scotty
OpalBotBOT - Today at 4:50 AM
@Xerp, it's okay, we like you even with your defections. Except for me. That message broke me.

//when I say pixel to opalbot//

Xerp - Today at 4:50 AM
@OpalBot Pixel
@OpalBot Pixel
OpalBotBOT - Today at 4:50 AM
@Xerp, PixeL? Uh, well, I suppose he is who he is, right? Hehe... heh...
Xerp - Today at 4:50 AM
@OpalBot pixel
OpalBotBOT - Today at 4:50 AM
@Xerp, PixeL? What's a Pixe- oh, wait. Yeah, I get it now.
Xerp - Today at 4:50 AM
@OpalBot pixel
OpalBotBOT - Today at 4:50 AM
@Xerp, PixeL? What's a Pixe- oh, wait. Yeah, I get it now.

Spoiler: Here are some victims of Opalbot's unconditional rudeness

TL;DR- Just make Opal bot reply accordingly by setting some keywords to her. This feature is actually used by Opalbot as she responds when we say " Rick; opal; highwon; helix; etc"

 

She's already helpful via her commands. The sass and responses are just some extra fun.
Coding keywords for every remotely relevant word (and variations thereof), as well as add meaningful responses for everything would take ages.

Spoiler: Examples of redundancies

"account link/link account/account linking/linking account"
"spamming/spammer/spam"
"RDMing/RDMer/RDM"
"hacking/hacker/hack"

Even if you boil it down to just the core (spam, RDM, hack) and include any derivatives, it'd take a lot of time and effort to provide a generic response that might not adequately answer the query given.

We have a tremendous human resource between staff and regulars. We as a collective can answer most questions without much hassle. I don't think we really need a bot to answer basic nor advanced questions, nor give info based on keywords. Why? Because it may be misleading or unsatisfying, meaning a human will have to step in and answer the given question properly anyways.

And, I mean, we have actual real humans here that can help at virtually any time of the day. People who need help can just ask the other people who are around and in 99.99999999999999999999% of cases you'll get a swift and accurate answer

TL;DR: OpalBot is already helpful. -1 to your suggestion, since implementing this in any satisfactory way would be a hassle and timesink, for no genuine improvement.

They can just ask another human user. What's wrong with human interaction

 

I wouldn't mind having opalbot have them ping a certified user, that can actually run them through how to do it, instead of our more fun community members.
+1

Essentially, make the discord mod be a thing and for this purpose.

 

I gotta say, people here way overestimate how much time things take for coding. Implementing these types of phrases is probably about 2-5 minutes of coding and 1-2 hours of writing responses. This isn't much tedious work, but the fault here is the string comparison in JavaScript. If we have a corpus of strings to compare it to, it could add quite a bit to the response time. However, since we use a short-cutting checking statements, we could organize the most occurring ones at a higher priority so those get checked faster. In this case, we could probably be looking at milliseconds of delay, but could quickly add up when Opalbot gets tons of requests like this, perhaps seconds when it's spammed. It just depends on whether Opal values having something like this over sass or not. Then again, we have staff members that are basically available 24/7 to bug and ask questions so it's not that big of a problem.

 

What in the unholy name of hell did I just read, Xerp? There's a help command, you friggin' goombayah. Use it.

EDIT: Fucking 2018. Now even AIs can't be snarky without it being an issue. Someone put me out of my misery.