Goodbye for 2018 (maybe longer)

Well. I've been informed that I'm no longer welcome here. Friendly bantering with my fellow staff has been seen as attitude by others; following a Lead Admin's directions has been seen as going out of my way to be toxic; and telling my honest side of things has been seen as intentional misdirection with ill intent. Instead of talking to me about these things, certain people felt it was better to just cut the rope.

I'm going to miss a lot of you, and I hope that those people will also miss me. It was especially really fun serving with the staff. @bullsforthwin , @Rudi , and @Chief Ryan were amazing fellow T mods. So were the rest, ofc, but those 3 were the ones I was closest to. As for the Mods and Admins, I'd have to tag just about every single one of you lmao You guys were awesome.

I don't want to leave, but...I don't want to stay. I graduated high school in 2017, but with this community...it sometimes feels like I never did. My anxiety has gone back up from this recent event, and it's taking a toll on my health.

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Look, I hate beating around the bush. And I hate being passive aggressive. I tried above because that's how it usually is (especially with goodbyes), but I'm a blunt kinda guy and so I'm just gonna say things like they are. This high school politics bubble going on doesn't suit an adult like me. I had trouble with the Mod Toest. It was the only time we've ever played together. He did NOT like me from the start, especially after I killed him when he was a T. Apparently it was borderline, but I wasn't aware of that at the time. I've always killed people for throwing props.

Anyways, there was a report we disagreed on. I marked it as RDM. He said it wasn't RDM. I said no, it was. The Det intentionally killed an Inno thinking the Inno had done something they hadn't, and admitted his mistake. It was a cleancut case. Toest was too angry with me to see that, and so instead argued with me and exploded on me, telling me he couldn't train me because I wouldn't listen. I tried to talk to my Admin, but she had a migraine and was understandably busy dealing with that. She left, and I went to Helix. I humbly asked him for his input, and he agreed it was RDM. He told me to talk to Paci about what happened. So I talked to Paci about what happened. Then olivia got mad at me and said I was going out of my way to get Toest in trouble, and kicked me from being a T Mod. Anything I said in defense of myself she said was just more attitude.

I hate that about these servers. You can't argue your case. If you do, you're looked down on. Doesn't matter how respectful you are; if you disagree, you're a child. That's not how adults work. You're supposed to be able to talk about things with each other. This high school attitude of anyone that disagrees is showing attitude just blows my mind. And it's not healthy - not for me, and not for this community. Honestly, it feels like I'm being brainwashed into hating myself and blaming myself. Everything seems to be my fault and my fault, alone. Any time I start feeling better about myself, someone on here corrects me and rips me apart as some immature child who can't admit he's wrong - from a simple disagreement! I admit I'm wrong to Helix and others all the time! All the time... I might've even been wrong about Toest; I wouldn't know, because all I had was my side of things to go on.

My disagreeing isn't inherently showing attitude. I have to actually be disrespectful. Disagreeing =/= disrespecting. That's what parents say to their children, not what adults say to other adults. Even now, I'm gonna be called childish for being blunt and outspoken. Didn't insult olivia, didn't insult Helix; didn't insult anybody. But because I said their names and spoke openly about a disagreement, at least one of them will call this showing attitude.

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It's ironic, really. Most of the staff have a little bit of attitude. That's what made it so fun being one. We bantered and teased and fucked with each other behind the scenes so much, it'd surprise a lot of you. I don't believe I ever showed any more attitude than my colleagues. If I did, I've still not been given examples. Which is what makes this high school. People critique you and tell you to learn, but don't tell you what you did. They speak generically, like...
Teen 1: "You're selfish and too jealous."
Teen 2: "What? How?"
Teen 1: "Woooooooow. You don't even know, do you?"

We've all experienced something similar in high school, yeah? That's what I'm experiencing right now, as a college student going into my second year. It's gotten kind of old.

In the adult world, it'd go like this.
Boss: "You're a little rude to customers."
Employee: "What? How?"
Boss: "You know that specific instance of that one white woman in the pink shirt and black overalls that you groaned at on Tuesday, during your 10 pm shift?"
Employee: "Oh."

Here, that's not the case. And when I've asked for that to be the case, I'm told I'm just giving more attitude.

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TLDR I'm done. This isn't good for me, and wouldn't be good for anyone in my shoes. I might come back for the events, just in case I want to come back later (so I don't miss out on the event gear), but other than that? I think I'm hanging up my hat and going back to the adult world. A world I understand a little better.

Not everyone acts like high school, btw. Obviously not, because I love most of you. But enough do that it's a problem. There's so many petty disputes I've heard about over the years from this community...it never stood out to me until I left high school and grew up, but it does now.

Goodbye, SGM. Despite my harsh criticism and circumstances, I still feel much love. <3

 

ok

 

this guy is literally perma banned ingame but for some reason we still let him shit post on the forums wtf

 

Agreed.

Thread locked.. cause... what even is this?