God's not dead, he's just drunk.

In this thread, I am god. my garden of eden is in it's early stages. right now it just looks like this:

(these hills are not infinite. space is limited).

If you would like to relinquish your sins and escape to my garden of eden, post below.

so basically you will wanna say "hi, i'm _______ and i'm here to start a new life in drunk dog's garden of eden", and then you will be there. what happens next? who knows. depends on you, really (haha just kidding it actually almost entirely depends on me since i am god). perhaps another person joins the garden, and you both decide you would really like a fig tree. Well? tell me why i should give you a fig tree. maybe i will, maybe i won't. maybe the fig tree only produces one single fig. will you split it between the two of you? or perhaps make an appeal to god in order to allow you to kill your fellow man to have all of the fig. if you make a compelling argument, then ya, i'll allow it.

here's the rules and things i just wanted to say:

1) No fig trees. That was just an example. You're allowed to ask for any kinda of fruit tree you want but if you ask for a fig tree you are committing the worst sin known to man. Now you may be thinking, "haha i'm gna say "hey god, i want a fig tree"" and HAHAHAHAHA that's REALLY FUCKING FUNNY BRO HAHAHAHAAHHAHA.... you're off to hell kiddo. and i ain't even created hell yet, and i probably never will, so you're just gonna float into nothingness for eternity like a stupid atheist. Piece of shit, don't @ME. but ya, i personally wouldn't want to be the fucking brain-dead loser who gets off on "haha he said not to do this so im gna do it haha" guy, but i'm sure some of you are. and for those people, well, just so you know, you're a garbage human being, the lowest common denominator, and quite frankly, you'r missing out.

2)don't break RP. if one day i decide that your request for a gumball machine was fucking annoying, and i don't wanna keep having to just say "no" to you... i'll probably just kill you. and when you're out and about in that atheist nothingness bullshit, don't you even dare try to come back and say something because i created you and i certainly don't remember creating people with the ability to be annoying beyond the grave. you're no exception, stop ruining eden for me (and everyone else).

3) sin all you want (except for sins involving fig trees, which are not allowed no matter what); however, you will be judged for your sins. you can ask god for his blessing before you commit your sins to see if it's okay to do them or not (i.e, let's say player A is keeping all of the fig tree rations to himself, and player B decides he's going to murder him and steal all of the figs. Player B then murders player A, but god doesn't like that. So Player B is killed as well; however, player B COULD HAVE tried to talk to god first and convince god to let them kill player A without receiving punishment).

4) this is an interactive experience. rules are bound to be created, changed, and destroyed as humanity adapts to it's new paradise. what may seem right today may be wrong tomorrow.

5) oh and you also have to drop a positive rating on this post because god, despite his infinite wisdom and humility, is yet still, just a millennial.

 

hi im bad adult and im here to start a new life in drunk dog's garden of eden. All that i request currently is a banana tree.

 

Your request has been granted. Your banana tree will be erected, as requested.
here's how things are lookin' at the moment. You cannot see me in the image, but believe me when i say I am smiling down upon you.

 

this picture is 'not' my computer background screen. fav photo of me

 

Here's how things are looking

if you're wondering why there's no date tree, and instead a tombstone for jabba the slut, well then the answer is that I, god, gave specific instructions that there would be no talk of fig trees. And yes, I know, dates and figs are technically different fruits, but some people still confuse the two. Some people like me, god. Yes, I just confused the two and so I killed jabba because to me it looked like he requested a fig tree (which is not allowed).

On the bright side, we have our very own adam and eve it looks like (as well as a very nice banana tree and a very nice cherry tree)

 

art

 

Hi, I'm Adlactor Nell and I'm here to start a new life in Drunk Dog's Garden of Eden.
I wish for the 4 hills (excluding that half hidden one on the side) to be coloured like the seasons so that we can go to one of them when we want to!

 

oh big boy in the sky, may I have a ponderosa pine the size of an aged redwood

hi im wink and I want to start a new life with that tree

 

Idk if you were trying to get in the garden or not, but regardless you broke multiple rules. I am however a merciful god, so i will not outright banish you. You will incarnate as a banana on Bad Adult's banana tree. Hopefully no one eats you.

wish denied. You do not get to choose the seasons. This is eden. Not heaven. Also, idk how i would do that in paint so... ya no. But, you're allowed to be here, at least.

 

okay this is the last fucking tree. i am serious you guys. no more fucking trees. i've given you enough trees, if you ask for another fucking tree i'll fucking kill you

 

hi im Dadly25 and im here to start a new life in drunk dog's garden of eden.
All I wish for is a pond for me and my future dolphin fellows to swim in, oh merciful one.

 

only god gets to change his mind. flag stays as is. anyways. wow, haha. sure is getting pretty fucking crowded huh? maybe vote to kill someone or idk, fuck. too many of y'all and too many trees. something's got to go

 

hi im back again and i was wondering if i could eat the memelord kinda hungry rn.

 

hi, i'm nilz and i'm here to start a new life in drunk dog's garden of eden

i would really like a big three next to all the trees cuz you said no more trees so then i think its funny to ask for a THREE cuz it sounds similar and i like hmor and comedy and i think the garden of eden could use some more comedy thank u

 

do you want to share his nutrients with your fellow men or do u wish him for yourself only?

 

No.

 

i shall share with nathan, because he isnt that T H I C C.