I am tired, I have tried my best to pretend I am tough but no, I cannot anymore. I thought I was living the dream, but now I'm awake with this cold and hollow, I'm sorry I cannot bear with this emptiness anymore. I have never thought that someone would accept my application, not after what I got into in the server a week ago, yet I got picked up. Let's be honest, I was never a good moderator, being reported was my daily basis, and my admin was gonna demote me, not once but twice, I was a failure, as a modetator, I am not good at interacting with people, I often got confused with the reports etc., but yet, someone like me who lack on so many capabilities got accepted, to become one of the admin. And I must say, I was never a good admin either. Only few of you know I was demoted from admin to modetator once. My first run as an admin was a complete failure, it didn't last for a week and I got demoted. But for some reason I got promoted back, I was grateful about it, and try to improve, but it was not enough. When all your lead admins was going to demote you, you know how good you are and what you're capable of. It just feels like the only reason I'm here is because they are merciful. I would love to keep trying but I can't anymore, I am sorry for how shitty I am, this is something you can never change, this is just me being me, a complete useless piece of shit. And now you don't need this castle anymore, there are no reason for me to move on. This is noone's fault but my own, it's not like i was ever liked by anyone so leaving this... it does no matter to anyone... It was my own decision, nobody made me do this...I'm sorry..i really am...sorry.. 人間五十年、下天のうちをくらぶれば、夢幻の如くなり。一度生を享け、滅せぬもののあるべきか？
This is really upsetting to read, and it's sad to see you go. If you ever need anyone to talk to there are plenty of great people in this community. Take care!
Farewell Nena, it is truely sad to know this is the way you feel. I think the way you described yourself isn't true. You aren't useless and you did make a lot of people happy. If it wasn't for you some off our current fantastic moderators wouldn't be here. You gave many people a chance that noone else would. Take care and look after yourself.
Lamb: "What do all stories have in common, dear Wolf?" Wolf: "They end." I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I did not expect you to feel this way about your abilities as an admin. You've gotten far. Don't stray too far. F.
All I can say is I have seen you and your kindness towards others, so maybe your position on staff didn't work out, but we all know that you are an extremely kind and loving person, and you genuinely care, and we care about you too! It pains me to see you at a sad point, and having thoughts of yourself in this light. I hope you heal internally and find happiness Nena!
Nena I don't know what makes you think you're useless, sure you had a rough start, and you may feel like you haven't done much. The truth is you picked up one of the most difficult admin positions and stood with it. As a night admin you only have an incredibly small pool of applicants and there really isn't much you can do. You've made so many people laugh, whether it was at you because sometimes you act crazy, or whether it was with you because sometimes you're extremely funny. I'm kind of typing things as they come to mind, but we've easily had worse admins/mods than you, I mean they accepted my mod app so there's someone you're better then. I don't know where this negative attitude is coming from but I think you have a had good times and bad times as admin, but you have to keep your head up and enjoy yourself. If that means leaving staff then good. It sucks being stuck with negativity. Anyways good luck in life and hope you stay around
I always respected your valiant effort when met with adversity way back. It's sad to see you leave thinking you weren't appreciated, it simply isn't true. You have a home here, Nena and we'll still be here. So long, good luck in life.
Thank you for giving me a second chance to rejoin the staff team even though I left your team so quickly, I appreciated that you were willing to take the risk to pick me up and I'm sorry it worked out like it did.
I'm sorry you feel this way even though it's not true. I've always liked you and you're a really great person. It's really sad to see you go because you feel this way. Whatever you feel is not true and you've done a good job as an admin. I'm sure each and everyone of your moderators appreciates you picking them up and giving them a chance. And I'm sure they all enjoy being under you. You're really funny and I personally have enjoyed talking and messing around with you. However, if you feel that you'll be happier off the staff team then do whatever makes you happy. It would be nice to see you stay but we shouldn't force you if you don't want to. Good luck with everything in life and I hope nothing but the best for you. You're a great person and don't ever forget that. Also, once again thanks for those snacks you sent awhile ago. I really appreciated it. Take care.
Although I never got to talk to you, it's sad to see you go, the community will miss you nena, and no doubt will all your former mods and mentors. Good luck with whatever is going on. We will all miss you.
Converse w/ you a few times in SB, always positive encounters. I thought you did a very fine job as staff and admin. SGmod will always be here for you and will tell you to don't be too hard on yourself because we think that you gave it your all and made the best attempts to do the best decision. Though, always gotta stay true to yourself. See ya around, make sure to sooth your soul
I was around to see you demoted from admin to mod. At the time I agreed with it, but during your second run you improved. After all if you weren't good at your job you wouldn't keep it for as long as you did. You aren't a bad admin.
You had an incredible amount of heart in your work here. This is an unfortunate loss for us, and I hope that you feel better and realize how important you were and still are to us. Farewell and take care of yourself!
Nena. I never really got to know you, and we never met on the servers. But you seem to have served us well. Take care of yourself, alright? Make sure to stay healthy and happy.
Excuse me while I take a break from taking a break I'd be lying if I said I didn't have my doubts at times, I can't say I ever really understood you. What I did understand though, was that you always tried your best and gave it your all. You were kind and understanding to those around you, and it's a shame to hear that this is what you've been thinking all along. You've heard it from others, you'll hear it from me; At the end of the day, your job was a job well done, and personally I appreciated it, the work you did, as well as your company for the brief moments I had it. Take care of yourself, Nena.
Come on Nena don't be like this. There's one thing I hate about someone is when they blow negative jabs towards themselves. Nena, your time here made mine amazing. You were admin when I first joined and I started to know you little by little and it was a blast. We never got to know each other fully, but the weird, small, and short conversations we had I enjoyed so much. We never talked a lot, but I enjoyed every bit we ever had a chance with. Your time here was grateful and it's ashamed you have to go like this. You're a great admin and I always liked having you around. We appreciate having you around as a member, mod, and admin and hope you decide to return one day and come back as the Nena we know and love. Take care of yourself and be safe
Being that I feel the same way about myself most of the time, I feel a bit hypocritical saying this: You aren't shitty at all, believe me. A lot of people looked at you and saw how nice you were and how you just liked to joke around. Hell I remember one day you messaged me on Steam just to ask how I was doing, you're genuinely a nice person and I wouldn't let some shithead who just points at you and says "haha ur a bad admin" take that away from you. I appreciate you talking to me when I came to you to talk, even though it was mostly all jokes but still, I could tell you valued me as a friend. My point is, don't let the opinions of the people who think negatively of you affect you. A lot of people here just like to hate somebody when they don't have a reason to hate, it's mostly out of jealously and narcissism. A lot of people's opinion on you was "o no shes an admin and i think she doesnt deserve it so i hate her" when they didn't even really get time to understand your circumstances or get to know you as a person. I know that I still like you as a person, even as an Administrator. And I know of a few others who do too.
You were always very kindhearted and sincere to members of this community. While staffing may not have worked out for you, remember that it doesn't work out for everyone. You're a great community member and don't think for a minute that no one wants you around. Don't be a stranger, Nena!
I'll never forget our little stupid talks Dudette, you're a wonderful human being never forget that. Do what's best for you, and take care.
