Pandas or Koalas?

Discussion in 'Off Topic Discussion' started by Woet, Oct 4, 2019.

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Pandas or Koalas?

  1. Pandas

    55.0%
  2. Koalas

    10.0%
  3. The Broadway Musical Cats

    35.0%
  1. Woet

    Woet ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ VIP

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    Last edited: Oct 4, 2019
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  2. Python~

    Python~ Young Bard VIP Silver Emerald

    Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons.

    If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life.

    Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals.

    Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape.

    Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.

    pandas are cool.
     
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  3. Paradox

    Paradox The One Eyed Ghoul Banned Elite


    Nice copypasta you got there sir
     
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  4. Woet

    Woet ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ VIP

    Non-ecologists always talk this way, and the problem is you’re looking at this backwards.

    An entire continent is covered with Eucalyptus trees. They suck the moisture out of the entire surrounding area and use allelopathy to ensure that most of what’s beneath them is just bare red dust. No animal is making use of them——they have virtually no herbivore predator. A niche is empty. Then inevitably, natural selection fills that niche by creating an animal which can eat Eucalyptus leaves. Of course, it takes great sacrifice for it to be able to do so——it certainly can’t expend much energy on costly things. Isn’t it a good thing that a niche is being filled?

    This applies to all herbivores, because the wild is not a grocery store—where meat is just sitting next to celery.

    Herbivores gradually wear their teeth down—carnivores fracture their teeth, and break their bones in attempting to take down prey.

    It's pretty typical of herbivores, and is higher than many, many species. According to Ashwell (2008), their encephalisation quotient is 0.5288 +/- 0.051. Higher than comparable marsupials like the wombat (~0.52), some possums (~0.468), cuscus (~0.462) and even some wallabies are <0.5. According to wiki, rabbits are also around 0.4, and they're placental mammals.

    Again, this is not unique to koalas. Brain folds (gyri) are not present in rodents, which we consider to be incredibly intelligent for their size.

    If you present a human with a random piece of meat, they will not recognise it as food (hopefully). Fresh leaves might be important for koala digestion, especially since their gut flora is clearly important for the digestion of Eucalyptus. It might make sense not to screw with that gut flora by eating decaying leaves.

    That's an extremely weird reason to dislike an animal. But whilst we're talking about their digestion, let's discuss their poop. It's delightful. It smells like a Eucalyptus drop!

    Marsupial milk is incredibly complex and much more interesting than any placentals. This is because they raise their offspring essentially from an embryo, and the milk needs to adapt to the changing needs of a growing fetus. And yeah, of course the yield is low; at one point they are feeding an animal that is half a gram!

    Humans probably do this, we just likely do it during childbirth. You know how women often shit during contractions? There is evidence to suggest that this innoculates a baby with her gut flora. A child born via cesarian has significantly different gut flora for the first six months of life than a child born vaginally.

    Chlamydia was introduced to their populations by humans. We introduced a novel disease that they have very little immunity to, and is a major contributor to their possible extinction. Do you hate Native Americans because they were killed by smallpox and influenza?

    Almost every animal does this.

    Errmmm.. They have protection against falling from a tree, which they spend 99% of their life in? Yeah... That's a stupid adaptation.
     
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  5. BorkWoof

    BorkWoof VIP

    e
     
  6. Panduh

    Panduh I love ass VIP

    You know what, im starting to really like pythons now :)

    Pandas are cuter lets be honest.

    Plus this is bias :mad: , heres a real picture of a panda
     
  7. Pacifist

    Pacifist Cynically Insane VIP Bronze

    Koalas are gross.
     
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  8. Lady Cloudia

    Lady Cloudia VIP Silver

    Count me in the Panda club.
     
  9. Python~

    Python~ Young Bard VIP Silver Emerald

    jesus christ dude chill it's a meme

    but this is juicy so imma dive in anyway

    also i know what woet posted is not his original thinking, but it is what he believes

    Even us humans have 2 sets of teeth. And even if we lose them we don't drop dead.

    I'm so happy to hear that your favorite animal isn't as dumb as some dumber animals

    Koala's aren't rodents, they're mammals. Fact is that most mammals have folded brains, so on a scale of most intelligent mammals, koalas fit neatly at the very end.

    If I handed you a piece of beef jerky while you're starving you would say "What the fuck is that?". Or if I handed you a piece of broccoli you wouldn't recognize it as food? Gimme a break.

    The yield is low because the only thing they eat has very minimal nutritional value.

    I can say with 100% certainty that humans do not suck shit out of their mother's asshole during/after childbirth.

    I'm not gonna entertain this one lol

    Oh, almost every animal rapes. Guys, did you hear that? Almost every animal rapes! Wow why didn't I see the signs sooner. Thank you, kind sir, for informing me of this.

    Hey dipstick, just because other animals do or have features that koalas also do or have, doesn't mean rape is ok.

    Oh also, most animals do not rape for fun when it's not mating season. Sure, there are instances of rape in the animal kingdom, but certainly not at the rate that male koalas go at it.

    How tf did the special ed helmet joke go straight over the head? That's like the funniest joke of the entire copypaste.
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2019
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  10. Is there a koala voiced by Jack Black?

    I didn't think so.
     
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  11. Python~

    Python~ Young Bard VIP Silver Emerald

    tf yall voting for koalas for then smh
    [​IMG]
     
  12. tz-

    tz- feelin it VIP Emerald

    wait a minute i wanted to change it after i read your shit and i thought i did
     
  13. Woet

    Woet ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ VIP

    You've all been bamboozled. Koalas win.

    [​IMG]
     
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  14. Bubonic

    Bubonic Burning heretics since M31 VIP

    I'm gonna have to vote for panda's, koalas got chlamydia and I don't want none of that
     
  15. Nathan776

    Nathan776 Administrator Administrator VIP Silver

    I fixed it dw guys.
    Serves u right for changing the vote woet :mad:
     
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  16. Ashes Relandi

    Ashes Relandi ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ Weeb Admin of TTT Administrator VIP Silver

    Red Panda counts right?
    upload_2019-10-4_22-40-8.jpeg
     
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  17. tz-

    tz- feelin it VIP Emerald

    after reconsideration, the cats from the musical broadway are gonna get my vote
     
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