[Suggestion] [Gone Wrong] [In The Hood] Trial Mod Application... ALMOST DIED

Hi all,

For those of you who don't know me, my name is TheOatBaron, or Th for short. I have been an outstanding community member for the past 3 and a half years, ranking up all the way from Member to VIP to Trial Mod to Admin. Unfortunately, with the recent Steam sale, I was demoted back to VIP and temporarily banned for botting the market.

I'd like you to all know that I've grown from this experience. I have acquired a job at the local inn and have learned how to craft one hell of a kiddy cocktail. I have also strengthened my assets in Apple, long-term investing a total of four stocks in hopes of a future release of an iPhone 7i, the "i" standing for improvement.

Why improvement? Because everything can always be improved on. To me, nothing less than perfection is adequate. And, as one can never achieve perfection, I believe that there is always room for improvement. For example, Shadow's girlfriend has explicitly mentioned that she wished he had a larger dongle on his keychain en la cama. While some may recommend prunes for daily use, I have my own method.

Step 1: Acknowledge your weakness.
Know that what you have is not enough, and that's okay. We all have our faults!

Step 2: Promote me to trial mod:
As Hitler, I promise to enforce the rules and make sure that no numbskulls break our traditions and spite our loyal playerbase.

Step 3: ???
The road is only up from here! I promise you that, as a trial mod, I will do my damnedest to ensure the safety and well-being of each individual here. This is a family-friendly environment -- nothing less.

In summary, I would make a fantastic addition to your already overflowing puddles of staff members. Whether it be by my technical know-how or my seductive suave, this is one sexy package left at your doorstep. I'm all yours bb.

Sincerely,
Yours truly,
Forever in your heart,
Former 2nd grade salutatorian,
FUTURE TRIAL MOD ON SERIOUS TTT,
TheOatBaron

 

+1

 

yeah same

 

+1

 

@Highwon @Darktooth @Disruptionz

why hasn't this been added?

 

Please accept my friends request on steam, I have a few questions to ask you :3

 

s a m e

 

W h a t t h e f u c k

 

+1 I see a lot of potential in this application, however while on the servers there's a high chance you'll be [ALMOST SHOT].

Do you think you can handle these working conditions?

 

[REDACTED]

 

wow i was going to pick you up but as soon as i saw you roast me

i'm dead

 

Thanks for all the great response guys!

Everything wasn't just given to me, you know. I'm a lucky man. I was born a poor black child down in the Mississippi. Ma and pa ran a shop, a sex shop, and it was all we had to survive. Often times I'd find myself in the backroom after a twelve hour shift gnawing on some hardtack. But I wasn't a pleb, I knew how to make hardtack. For reference, I have provided the recipe below:

- 3 ounces donkey semen, purified.
- 2 teaspoons sugar, graduated
- 4 cups black flour, white if ur racist
- 1 pound yeast
- 2 grams weed

1. Blend donkey semen and sugar until white, sugary substance.
2. Mix well, continually adding flour til momma tell you to shut the fuck up.
3. Poor in the rest of the ingredients and bake at 420 degrees.
4. Top off with dust from road for additional spice.
5. Drink bleach.

Anyways, like I said, things weren't easy. That was until, one day, the circus man came to town. He was a tall fellow, elongated arms and some curly red hair flowing over his ears positioned right where ears are positioned. His face had a twisted smile and his eyes showed years of tiredness. He had a fedora perfectly tipped to one side that brought out an abnormally large nose, rivaling that of Kylo Ren. He had a voice as smooth as ground zero, which led me to believe that he was actually a pornstar. Turns out, he was just a car dealer jacked up in a bad trade with a clown from Minneapolis.

Anyways, he offered me a job castrating oxen; I gladly obliged and hopped in his wagon. We saw the world together. He paid well and was an honest man. Eventually, we made it to New York for the annual airline conference. He dropped me off at the crystal front doors and that was the last I saw of him. I always wondered what happened to that man. Anyways, long story short, at that conference, I ran into my biological father who gave me a small loan of a million dollars. After splurging on some Ramen, I started fucking people over and became one of the richest men in the nation.

I promise each and every one of you this: progress. I will decrease the national deficit and latino population, and stop the damned commies from invading our server.

Thank you for all of your positive feedback and let's make America great again!

 

When you drink the bleach don't you die? I mean how can you enjoy hard tack when you die

 

Wait really? Never noticed that

 

Forum post [GONE HORRIBLY WRONG] [SUICIDE ATTEMPT]

 

Oh shit call the hot line

 

Just another roadblock. We will overcome it though. Trust me. We the best.

My fellow Americans, it is with my deepest regret to inform you that I've been banned for 4 weeks for "having friends", or as the admin calls it "ghosting". I ain't no Casper. I'm black as a bitch. I promise each and every one of you that I... that I have a dream. I have a dream today. That one day every VIP shall be exalted, and every mod and admin shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and the crooked places will be made straight ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) That one day, down in SeriousTTT, with its vicious racists, with its admins having lips dripping with the words of "banned" and "tomfuckery" -- one day right there in SeriousTTT little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as RDMers and hackers, as one.

I have a dream today. That one day on the blocky hills of Vanilla, the sons of former nerds and autists will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood. That one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all mods are created murders." I HAVE A DREAM TODAY.

I have a dream.

 

sorry this is SeriousGMod not SeriousTTT
better luck next time ¯\_(ツ)_/¯