Dad joke time!!!

Discussion in 'Off Topic Discussion' started by Jakey, Jan 5, 2017.

  1. Jakey

    Jakey Member

    Since I'm new here, the best way to break the ice is to tell jokes!!!

    Put your best (worst) dad jokes in this thread!

    I'll start:

    Where does a general keep his armies?

    In his sleeves!
     
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  2. Pacifist

    Pacifist Cynically Insane VIP Bronze

    what do you call three chickens running around?

    FAST FOOD
     
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  3. Skyrossm

    Skyrossm Ideal Female Moderator? VIP Emerald Bronze

    Hi new here, I'm Dad.
     
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  4. Jakey

    Jakey Member

    That's a funny first name...

    (nice one btw, it made me cringe it was so good)
     
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  5. Salisian

    Salisian An unbroken series of successful gestures VIP

    Didja hear about the farmer who went out into the pasture and counted 198 cows, but when he rounded them up he had 200
     
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  6. Skyrossm

    Skyrossm Ideal Female Moderator? VIP Emerald Bronze

    The TTT Dad gives us the daddiest joke of them all :3
     
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  7. Togo ✿

    Togo ✿ Nobody Gets it VIP Silver

    why are there walls around a cemetery, because people are dying to get in
     
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  8. BabyFace OP

    BabyFace OP VIP Silver

    Knock! Knock!
    Who's There?

    Not my dad. :cry:
     
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  9. lil f

    lil f That's how the toast crumbles Banned Gold VIP

    Why did the plane crash?

    because the pilot was a loaf of bread
     
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  10. Sir Clutch

    Sir Clutch they gonna talk bout me Banned VIP

    *sees someone with holes in their pants*

    Are those your church pants?
     
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  11. Koishi

    Koishi Killer Queen VIP

    i've got this

    you can tell the gender of an ant by putting it in water
    if it sinks : girl ant
    if it floats : boy ant

    you can tell if a train just went by
    it left some tracks

    how much is a dead battery
    no charge

    whats the best way to kill a circus
    go for the juggler

    i dont trust going under trees
    because theyre shady

    what do you call a mexican suffering from anxiety
    hispanic

    i have a fear of speedbumps
    but im slowly getting over them
     
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  12. Iuna

    Iuna Goodnight moon VIP

    Im fucking dying
     
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  13. Jakey

    Jakey Member

    The circus one was easily the best. I don't understand the ant one though... :'(
     
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  14. Dolph1n

    Dolph1n Time is an adventure- if you know when to look. Banned Elite

    boy ant

    buoyant

    here's mine.

    WHAT DO WE WANT? LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES! WHEN DO WE WANT THEM? NYEEOWWWWWWWWWW
     
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  15. Jakey

    Jakey Member

    Jesus Christ. *Slow clap*
     
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  16. Mr. Disco

    Mr. Disco Jeff Lynne is a musical genius. VIP

    What is a fish's favorite country?
    Finland.

    How does a lion like his steak?
    Medium Roar

    Why did the orange stop rolling?
    IT RAN OUT OF JUICE
     
  17. Jakey

    Jakey Member

    What do you call a cow with two legs?

    Lean Beef

    What do you call a cow without legs?

    Ground Beef
     
  18. Iuna

    Iuna Goodnight moon VIP

    Alright here goes nothing.

    What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
    Aye matey

    What are cations afraid of?
    Dogions

    These two aren't really dad jokes but I can't help myself:

    Descartes walks into a bar.
    The bartender walks up to him and says, “Would you care for a drink?”
    Descartes replied, “I think not.” and disappears.

    A magician was walking down the street and then he turned into a grocery store.